As a new parent, you are dealing with a lot. You, your partner, and your child are all doing baby stuff for the first time. None of you have slept well in weeks and there always seems to be more work to do with no end in sight.

Nonetheless, you’ll frequently hear from other parents, those that had kids some or even many years ago, that you should “enjoy it now”. We heard this first when our son was going through the 4-month sleep regression. This is famously, a hard time when babies develop more adult sleep patterns and have very intermittent sleep for a couple weeks.

We were told “enjoy it now, it only gets worse” and “enjoy it now, you’ll miss it when they grow”.

Our son is now one year old and I’m still upset. It’s not true, it’s not a kind thing to say, it’s not even helpful.

But it’s not always directed at sleep regressions. I have heard parents say versions of this whenever you are having a bad time or just look less than happy.

Just because they miss their child being little, doesn’t mean that you can’t have a hard time. Just because they miss it, doesn’t mean you can’t have a bad day.

Everyone has a bad day once in a while. New parents included.

So yes, your child will only be this little once. They do grow up fast. That doesn’t mean every moment is bliss.

It’s ok to feel the stress, it’s ok to have a bad day. It’s part of being a person. And for your kids, it’s also ok to see that you struggle sometimes. It’s better for them to see that you can deal with it, than to think you never struggle. I can’t imagine how intimidating that would be.

So whatever part of the parenting journey you are currently in, you’re doing great. I believe in you.

And to the parents that tell new parents that it only gets worse or to enjoy it while it’s hard… seriously, do some self-reflection. Do you really feel this way? Is that what you would want to hear in that moment? You can do better. I believe in you too.