As a new parent, you are dealing with a lot. You, your partner, and your child are all doing baby stuff for the first time. None of you have slept well in weeks and there always seems to be more work to do with no end in sight.

Nonetheless, you’ll frequently hear from other parents, those that had kids some or even many years ago, that you should “enjoy it now”. We heard this first when our son was going through the 4-month sleep regression. This is famously, a hard time when babies develop more adult sleep patterns and have very intermittent sleep for a couple weeks.

We were told “enjoy it now, it only gets worse” and “enjoy it now, you’ll miss it when they grow”.

Our son is now one year old and I’m still upset. It’s not true, it’s not a kind thing to say, it’s not even helpful.

But it’s not always directed at sleep regressions. I have heard parents say versions of this whenever you are having a bad time or just look less than happy.

Just because they miss their child being little, doesn’t mean that you can’t have a hard time. Just because they miss it, doesn’t mean you can’t have a bad day.

Everyone has a bad day once in a while. New parents included.

So yes, your child will only be this little once. They do grow up fast. That doesn’t mean every moment is bliss.

It’s ok to feel the stress, it’s ok to have a bad day. It’s part of being a person. And for your kids, it’s also ok to see that you struggle sometimes. It’s better for them to see that you can deal with it, than to think you never struggle. I can’t imagine how intimidating that would be.

So whatever part of the parenting journey you are currently in, you’re doing great. I believe in you.

And to the parents that tell new parents that it only gets worse or to enjoy it while it’s hard… seriously, do some self-reflection. Do you really feel this way? Is that what you would want to hear in that moment? You can do better. I believe in you too.

Our son is 13 months now and we have been doing baby-led weaning since he’s been 6 months old. It’s been a push and pull with some meals turning really messy.

For the last few months, we’ve been cooking mostly “adult” meals with a little less salt. Our son loves eating the same stuff and for the most part, minor modifications like cutting pieces to the right size are enough to make the meal baby friendly.

However, not everything is great for self feeding. Soups and saucy meals turn into a huge mess. So recently, we end up spoon feeding him a lot.

While that means less mess, it means one of us has to focus on the baby before they can eat themselves.

Enter: corn on the cob.

“Corn on the cob is perfect for buying you time to eat your own meal, and our son absolutely loves it. He gets to feed himself, it takes him some time to get every corner, it’s great practice, and it’s mostly mess-free.

Depending on your child’s stage, you can cut off the kernels first or, if they are ready, leave them on and give them a (baby) fist-sized piece to devour.

It’s adorable.

And given how rewarding corn on the cob is for self-feeding babies, it’s unreal how easy it is to prepare.

• 5 minutes in boiling water is enough.

• You can make a lot in one go.

• They don’t need extra salt or anything (though you can dress with butter if you want)

It’s perfect.

I honestly wish everything came on the cob.

After we had our son, my wife was fortunate enough to be able to breastfeed. Not every mom can so we were stoked that she and our baby had that connection.

When we found blood in his stool, we were naturally terrified and rushed to the pediatrician. It wasn’t a lot but they confirmed that it was in fact blood and the likely cause was a sensitivity reaction to something in the milk. Most likely residual proteins from dairy or maybe soy. The recommendation: Eliminate dairy from your diet and wait a few weeks to see if the bloody stools persist.

That started our journey with CMPA (cow’s milk protein allergies) and slowly eliminating dairy, soy, eggs, wheat, and tree nuts. Almost all the way to 6FED (6 food elimination diet). Here are some snacks we actually found scratch the itch.

The snacks are ordered matching a typical elimination diet for CMPA. Starting with eliminating dairy, then soy, eggs, and wheat. Those four, make up 4FED (4 food elimination diet). After that, it’s 6FED, adding tree nuts + peanuts, shellfish/fish and your patience.

That means you should go to the section without any of the allergens you are eliminating and everything below you can eat.

Dairy-free snacks

• Lay’s Classic — contain Soy
• Oreo’s — contain Soy and Wheat
• Tostitos Original/Scoops + Milk Chunky Salsa — contain Soy

Dairy and soy-free snacks

• Simple Mills Dark Chocolate Almond Soft Baked Almond Flour Bars — contain Eggs and Tree nuts
• Simple Mills Nutty Banana Bread Soft Baked Almond Flour Bars — contain Eggs and Tree nuts

4FED: Dairy, soy, egg, and wheat-free snacks

• Cocojune Dairy-free Yogurt — contain Tree Nuts
• Once Again Graham Sandwiches Peanut Butter — contain Tree Nuts and Peanuts
• Pocket Chocolates — contain Tree Nuts
• So Delicious Ice Cream — contain Tree Nuts

6FED: Dairy, soy, egg, wheat, peanuts + treenuts, shellfish + fish-free snacks

• Boomchickapop popcorn — contains no common allergens
• Once Again Gluten-Free Graham Crackers with Dark Chocolate — contains no common allergens

These are some of the snacks we found really helped. You can find more in my interactive tracker here. There are for sure more but this might help get you started without having to spend hours in the grocery store reading ingredients lists.

And remember, this is a phase. You are doing amazingly. You got this!

PS: The obligatory disclaimer - This isn’t medical advice and I am not a doctor. Please talk to your pediatrician about how you should handle your child’s CMPA.

The latest dish in our saga is another rice dish.

Right now, our son just turned 9 months and my parents have been visiting for the past couple of weeks to help with watching him while my wife and I went back to work. It is great to have family visit (especially if you live flights away from all sets of grandparents) but it means that you suddenly have to cook enough for 8 servings: dinner plus lunch leftovers.

When it was just me and my wife, I used to make a lot more dishes that combine sides and main. These are easy when you are cooking ad hoc for 4 or fewer people because the heat distributes well in the amount. When you suddenly double your portions to 8, all your intuition about how long cooking takes go out the window. I have burned many dishes while the top was still cold.

I’ve been experimenting a lot with adding easy-ish sides to simpler mains as a result. I’ve found asparagus and zucchini are pretty forgiving and turn out well in the oven. Same with potatoes and broccoli and cauliflower.

So today I tried my first combination dish cooking a tiny side for our son. I made a lemony chicken and rice dish that worked well as a one-pot dish. I made asparagus separately in the oven, some steamed broccoli, and grilled zucchini. It sounds like a lot but it’s manageable because you can throw a lot of it in the oven while the rice is cooking.

For our son’s dish, I didn’t have to change much. I

• skipped the salt for the chicken, and
• replaced the broth with water

That’s it. I also made zucchini for him without adding salt. Since there are only 3 steps: add salt, brown in the pan, cook in the oven, that was pretty easy. Asparagus with just pepper, rosemary, and olive oil in the oven for 20–30 minutes doesn’t even need salt. And the broccoli came frozen and steamed in the bag in the microwave. It does need salt but we had to add that later anyway.

I was pretty happy with the result. I don’t think our son’s plate has ever been that full: chicken, rice, asparagus, broccoli, and zucchini.

He absolutely loves the zucchini, chicken, and rice. Although he is starting to dislike asparagus. I think it’s the texture. He hasn’t said anything yet.

Unfortunately, just like you, your baby doesn’t know what’s going on either. So at times, it can feel like you are in a hamster wheel rotating a screaming infant like pizza dough because you can’t figure out what is going on.

In those moments, this visual helped me a lot.

From bottom to top, check:

• Diaper
  Did they pee or poop? Very often, it’s just a messy diaper that is uncomfortable.

• Belly
  When did they last eat? Might they be hungry? At the very beginning, they eat every two to three hours. Bonus: Sometimes the comfort of breastfeeding can calm them down even if they weren’t hungry.

• Chest, i.e. do they need to burp
  When babies are very small, they don’t yet know how to pass gas in either direction. Burping them after each feed helps a lot in minimizing the number of times they cry to burp but it did still happen frequently for us.

• Head
  When they didn’t poop, aren’t hungry, or need to burp, most often they are tired. Over-tiredness never made sense to me but it happens frequently while babies are still learning how to go to sleep.

That’s it. 99% of the time our son cried, going through these four steps fixed it.

There are a million other reasons why your baby might cry. It could be too bright, too loud, something smells weird, they don’t like that new thing. Comfort and attention fixes most of those too.

Quick note: If your baby has been crying for a long time or is obviously hurt, reach out to your pediatrician. They might have a fever or be sick. You got this!

Our son was born unexpectedly two weeks early. He was healthy, but the early arrival meant our plans — including help from my wife’s parents — didn’t work out as planned.

Like many new parents, we quickly felt unprepared and clueless about what we actually needed and ended up buying stuff that we never really used. Basically everything on lists we got from the hospital and classes we had taken in preparation.

This is the list of things we got that we actually needed pretty much on day one and would get again for our second. I’m including links to the ones we purchased, but if you have the time, definitely shop around.

Absolute life savers we still used a year later

• Muslin cloths
  Muslin cloths were constant companions. We used them for burping, spit-ups, spit wipes, quick cleanups, drying after washes, and they are still with us on every trip. We have like 20 and they are in every laundry.
• Muslin blankets
  The muslin blankets worked as swaddles, sunshades, or nursing covers. Especially in the first months, they feel much nicer than bigger towels because they are light and breathable and our son was still so tiny. Versatile, easy to wash, and always close by. We started out with three but quickly bought more. Six was enough to get between laundries.
• Disposable changing pads
  Disposable pads made diaper changes so much easier. There will be messes and with an extra pad on a changing table it’s quick and easy clean-up. They are not the most eco-friendly but worth it just for taking the edge off a nighttime mess. We kept one on the changing table and a few for trips. Changed it when it got dirty. Quick to swap out and saved a lot of laundry.
• Wash cloths
  These gentler cloths were gentle enough and perfect for bath time. Especially around the face. In the beginning when you are doing sponge baths, these are perfect.
• Bags to take to the hospital
  The first two weeks we spent shuttling between hospital and home — first for the birth, then for jaundice checks and follow-ups. Our hospital bags did heavy lifting here. We used them to store everything from important documents to snacks and changing gear. They got packed and repacked often, becoming mini “base camps”.

Must haves that you probably already have

• Baby bassinet
  The baby needs somewhere to sleep and a bassinet is what everyone (at least in the US) recommends. We picked one that grows with the baby but at a bigger price point. For the bassinet in particular, the wheels made a huge difference because you could take a shower while watching the baby. We later got a portable one for travel which — with the bassinet insert — is almost better.
  • Bassinet bed sheets
    Buy two, so you have one while the other is in the laundry. Also, put disposable changing pads underneath the blanket to keep the mattress dry.
• Onesies
  This is a tough one. Since our son came early, we had to buy preemie clothes on short notice. But, whichever size you buy, here is the hierarchy for ease of use: magnetic buttons, zippers (at least bottom to top), push buttons. Push buttons are the worst when it’s late, you’re tired, and you got the order wrong. Have at least three: one to wear, one in the laundry, one that’s dirty.
• Baby thermometer
  Early on, your pediatrician is your best friend and should be on speed dial. So don’t take medical advice for your baby from the internet. But a baby thermometer is certainly good to have to tell if your child has a fever. You’ll probably panic well in advance, though. You also need thermometer covers and water based lube. Our pediatrician recommended KY jelly.
• Nail clipper or filer
  Babies are born with nails and they don’t use them for a while. To prevent baby scratches, get those early.
• Car seat and stroller
  You’ve thought about these a lot already so I won’t belabor the point. We got an old Vista from friends and bought a small stroller to match. Car seats you should buy new so you know they’ll work when you need them. We originally bought a convertible car seat, but ended up buying a second infant car seat that we ended up using a lot more.

Things that can wait but might be worth it

• Swaddles
  In the beginning, muslin blankets and a thicker blanket (that we got from the hospital) worked great. But ultimately, our son slept much better when in a firm swaddle. The velcro versions worked great for us. Definitely recommend trying what works best for your family.
• Baby Aquaphor
  Baby skin can be quite delicate. Diaper rash, eczema, dry skin from drool. We just put Aquaphor on all of those and it helped keep things in check. We just kept the butt and face tubs separate.
• Baby bottles
  We ended up buying six small and six large bottles and never used the majority of them. In the first week, my wife was working to get her milk to come in. Once it did, we ended up doing one bottle feed a night. Since our son was exclusively breastfeeding, the small bottles were enough and we only used two most of the time to give him his vitamins. In hindsight, we should have kept bottle feeding for longer than we did to make my wife’s return to work easier. We still didn’t need that many bottles and definitely not in the beginning. Three would have been fine.
• Bottle sanitizer bags Naturally, since you don’t need bottles right away, you won’t need sanitizer bags right away. Once you do, though, these make life so much easier. I basically boiled every bottle once and then kept using sanitizer bags.
• Bottle drying rack
  We use this daily still at one year. For pump bottles, baby cups, straw cups, etc.
• Baby bath thermometer
  Babies don’t need a bath right away. We were told to wait until the second week which was perfectly fine. At that age, it’s normal for babies to not poop a lot, sweat a lot, move around much, or really do much of anything. They just don’t get that dirty.
• Postpartum supplies
  The hospital gave us a lot of supplies to last for a few days including adult diapers to catch any postpartum bleeding. By the time we needed more, we had a good idea of what we needed and didn’t buy too much extra.
• Baby diapers
  The hospital also gave us some diapers. This was particularly helpful since our son came early and was smaller than we had anticipated.
• White noise machines
  We used it on and off in the beginning. There was a phase in between where it became essential but definitely not in the beginning.
• Haakaa
  Our doula first recommended the lady bug which didn’t work for us. It just kept falling off. But we used the standard Haakaa a lot in the beginning to help kickstart the milk production. It helps and is way easier than pumping.

Stuff we never bought or never really used

• Bottle warmers
  We got a bottle warmer from a friend who wasn’t using it. We used it here and there. It’s a little more convenient but cold milk is just as nutritious.
• Baby monitors
  Our son slept in the same room as us for the first year so we didn’t really need it.
• Diaper caddy organizers
  I really wanted to use these but we didn’t really. We got a diaper bag from the hospital and one from friends which work perfectly. They all have too many pockets anyway
• Pacifiers
  Our son was never really interested and we didn’t push it either. Dentists will ask if your child is using one when you go at about 1 year.
• Colostrum collectors
  Our doula recommended them to catch excess colostrum. We didn’t end up getting to collect any since our son was feeding by the time my wife’s milk came in.

Final thoughts

This isn’t a complete list but I really hope this helps cut down the noise when you are already stressed. We also found it helpful to have two changing stations so we didn’t walk in on each other during precious sleep time.

The first couple of months are going to be tough but it does get a lot better and easier. It’s okay to accept help when people offer. We had friends who cooked us food during the first week which made things a lot easier before my wife’s parents arrived to help.

Other parents sometimes have the habit of stress dumping which is extra hard when you are just a few weeks in with your first. Remember this: The first two months are the hardest because you and your baby are all doing this for the first time and none of you got much sleep.

You are doing great. It does get better. It’s always ok to ask for help. It’s normal that it feels hard. You got this.

Just this week, our son turned 9 months. A lot is happening. He’s about to start crawling. He’s so close that he is upset almost daily that it hasn’t happened yet. He just got his 9-month shots, and my wife reintroduced dairy into her diet as the second to last CMPA elimination to go.

Perfect time, I thought, for a family comfort food: Chicken fricassee. It’s what my grandma used to make whenever we visited and it is one of my all-time favorite meals. A rich-in-butter, cream, and flavor dish to welcome the family back from our dairy hiatus.

So as I’ve been doing recently, I cooked up two versions: one for the adults with all the salt, choking hazards, and dairy our son can’t yet have. And one for the baby skipping salt and cream. (For the adult version I also replaced eggs with a vegan alternative, JUST Egg to be precise which turned out great.)

For the baby, I used a pair of chicken breasts instead of a whole chicken, and I

• skipped all of the salt (part of the recipe is making chicken broth from scratch, which made that easy)
• replaced the butter in the roux with a mix of olive oil and vegetable oil
• replaced the asparagus, peas & carrots, and mushrooms with a canned vegetable medley (because there was no “no salt added” version for any of the others)
• and skipped the eggs and heavy cream

It turned out absolutely revolting. It turns out that German dishes actually do need all that butter they ask for.

But the vegetable medley did help and after we mashed and mixed everything with the rice, it was still a little bland and boring but no longer an affront to the senses.

And our son really liked digging into all that sauciness and chicken. At one point he had his tiny mouth fully stuffed and desperately tried to shove more food in.

It also turned out less messy than I had anticipated. Because the texture was smooth and sticky, most of the food stayed on his little tray and hands rather than on the floor.

Until he rubbed his eyes, that’s when things got messy quickly.

First off, I am not complaining. My wife carried the brunt of feeding-related woes for the first 6 months of our baby’s life by exclusively breastfeeding. But starting solids turned cooking into a less exciting chore than it used to be. You either end up eating boring baby-appropriate meals or you prepare two separate meals all the time.

Now, we just hit the age where we are comfortable introducing more complex meals. I want to share how exciting it has been. For anyone currently in the thick of it, we see you. It does get better.

Our son is just shy of 9 months old now and we’ve been doing baby-led weaning since he turned 6 months. We’ve been careful because our son had some issues with food intolerances and my wife has been on an elimination diet for almost half a year. At its peak, she was avoiding dairy, soy, eggs, wheat, and tree nuts. If nothing else, it taught us immense respect for people with allergies. It’s been a journey to say the least.

By now, we have reintroduced all but milk and egg back into her diet. Cooking with these restrictions is already so much easier than it used to be. However, after eating unsalted food for months, over-seasoned with pepper and paprika, I am desperate to eat like a proper adult again.

So recently, I thought of cooking a tiny baby batch alongside a grown-up batch of food. The key is to make essentially the same meal in parallel, with mostly the same ingredients but skipping the ones that the baby can’t eat, like salt.

The first time I did it, I made an Argentine Puchero recipe from my mother-in-law. It’s just boiling sweet potatoes, summer squash, celery, carrots, green onions, and corn with beef in broth for 30–45 minutes. For the baby, I just made a small pot with water instead of broth. He loved it. So I was eager to do it again.

The second attempt is what actually prompted me to write this story. It was so fun that I want to share our success!

I planned a vegetarian mushroom risotto. It’s a pretty great dish but it had a few things a baby can’t have (like white wine) and a couple my wife still can’t have (like parmesan cheese).

I made two versions: One for us without the cheese, with butter replaced with margarine, and wine with broth and a dash of (rice) vinegar. And one for the baby where I replaced the

• broth and wine with water,
• replaced minced garlic with garlic powder, and
• left out the salt, tamari, and butter

I can’t stress enough how cute it was to have a big, normal pot and a baby-sized pot next to it.

Both turned out great. The baby one was as bland as you can imagine but it looked and felt like actual risotto.

And our son loved it. He really got his hands in there stuffing his face and kept asking for more. He had me laughing at times flicking his hands to get the sticky rice off his tiny fingers, flinging pieces through the entire kitchen.

I think he had a great time. Mushrooms for the first time, risotto for the first time. Another way of having rice. And above all, I think he really likes eating “the same” thing we’re eating.

I’m really happy with how this experiment turned out. Cooking two batches of almost the same thing is a lot easier than managing multiple different dishes. It also makes planning so much easier. I will keep trying different recipes and share any that were fun.